The Inner Court: From Self-Esteem to Self-Justice

In response to a recent post on a Stoicism-related Facebook group – which I will not reproduce here for the sake of the author`s anonymity – I put forward an analogy intended to help the user cope with an intense habit of self-criticism that was causing him much distress. As someone who is in the 97<sup>th</sup> percentile for trait neuroticism (according to Jordan Peterson`s Understand Yourself personality test, in any case) this is a problem I often struggle with myself. If you are also prone to a degree of neuroticism it is likely that you will be all-too-familiar with this tendency.

That voice which whispers nasty things about you into your inner ear can be truly insidious. Many people only experience this when they are feeling particularly low, though for some poor souls it is the Rule, rather than the exception, of their entire lives. A common response to such continuous self-recrimination is to drown it out with noise and distraction. Drugs and alcohol are a favourite method here, as is excessive mental stimulation through the overuse of porn and video games. These methods all produce a dulling effect for the inner voice, thus offering much-needed relief. However, these methods are temporary at best, and only ever serve to stave off the inevitable. This is because, no matter how long the binge goes on, we always end up alone with only ‘Me-and-Myself’ for company.

In my Facebook post, I therefore tried to put forward an alternative solution which does not attempt to obliterate this voice through blind distraction. What we resist persists, after all, and so perhaps the best way to combat this whispering menace is to turn around and face it directly. This is the basic message of my analogy, which I have given here a rather snappy title: the ‘Inner Court’.

Anyway, without further ado, here is the original post:

A framework that might help you is something I call the ‘Inner Court’. Basically, I think within everyone`s head there is a Defense Lawyer and Prosecution Lawyer who are engaged in an endless argument about the Self. For some (as in my case and probably yours) the prosecution Lawyer is far too powerful. He manages to shout the loudest and convince the Jury that the Defendant (you) is worthless. He draws on every regret you have, leaps on every flaw, rehearses all your worst mistakes and spins a story of wretchedness and failure. The important thing to remember, of course, is that this is just a story.

The Defence Lawyer, however, does the opposite. He defends you from attacks, emphasises your good qualities, and waxes lyrical about how wonderful you are. As you can imagine, a strong Defence Lawyer is vital for mental health. Fortunately, those of us whose Defence Lawyer is congenitally weak, it is perfectly possible to strengthen this voice by consciously arguing in your own favour against the irrational BS peddled by the prosecution. This is a skill that can be acquired through practice – is perhaps best encapsulated in that bag of techniques now known as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

However, we should also bear in mind an important point: either the Defence or the Prosecution Lawyer being too strong is unhealthy; there needs to be a balance. Those whose Prosecution is too powerful will be consumed by their own negative opinions of themselves and will never be able to gain the confidence needed to get up and start living a fulfilling life. In contrast, those whose Defence is too powerful will never criticise themselves, never even allow themselves to consider the possibility that they may be wrong. The blunt, egomaniacal, and cocky disaster-artists that this condition produces are probably all-too-familiar to you, as well!

So, what I think needs to be aimed for is not blind self-esteem nor irrational self-recrimination. Rather, the true aim should be self-justice: an accurate and fair assessment of who you are based on an honest accounting of your flaws and virtues. By allowing both the prosecution and the defence to have their say, whilst also correcting for any natural imbalance between these two as much as possible, this condition can be achieved through time and effort.

Whilst this process may appear to be a lot of work, it is not as difficult to do as you may think. By allowing both sides to have their say, and by facing those painful ideas and beliefs being espoused by the prosecution, you will be able to put yourself in a position to ask yourself an important question: “Do these arguments have any merit?” If they don’t, and you have demonstrated that to yourself, you will be in a position to let them go. If they do, then you will be armed with knowledge of what you need to improve about yourself and your life, and how to do it.

Most of anxiety and depression comes, in my experience, from refusing to face those voices in our heads that demand to be heard. The prosecution, as ugly and unreasonable as it can be, will continue to shriek its case until it receives an honest hearing. So, by marshalling our powers of Defence and giving a decent stab at tackling the Prosecution’s arguments, we are capable of exorcizing those many demons that have built up over years of neglect. Sometimes, just this act of listening and being willing to feel – as painful as it can be in the moment – is enough to soothe the inner voice and achieve that real peace we so desperately need.

I don’t know if this will be helpful in your situation, but it’s an analogy that has helped me considerably over the years. Good luck, and I hope you start to feel better soon!

All the best.